Saturday, August 7, 2010

A Poem ~ Everything Is Waiting For You

I love this poem by David Whyte.   I wish to dedicate this to my daughter Sophie who left for another year at college.  Its truly so bittersweet when children grow up and leave the nest..., but more than anything, I want her to know... as Whyte says in the final verse of this poem.. "Everything is waiting for you."

Everything is Waiting for you

Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone.  As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions.  To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings.  Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice.  You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there 
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into
the conversation.  The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last.  All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves.  Everything is waiting for you.

david whyte

Friday, August 6, 2010

Pink Is For A Tender Heart...

"Im Gatfool (grateful) a Mom"
Sophies book of gratitude from when she was 6 years old.

This morning I waved goodbye to my eldest girl, as she set off back to college & adventure in California.

I thought that I would have been over the teary goodbye stage, its not like its the first time she's "left" home, after all she spent 6 months doing a student exchange program in Argentina during her final year of high school, then of course there was her two trips to hawaii, and of course seeing her off last August for her first year in college, (but that was different than this time, because I drove there with her, then I got on a plane and said goodbye to her.)  

Yesterday as she excitedly packed up her new dorm bedding, lamp, folding chair... she came into the kitchen and handed me these:

The stack of diaries

When she said, "I want you to have these Mom," I felt a tremor down deep inside my chest.
To have love and trust from my 19 year old daughter, where she hands me her deepest feelings to share, written on paper beginning from when she was 6 years old, left me speechless,, I picked them up and carefully squirreled them away in a cupboard to look at  when I knew that I would be alone... 

At breakfast I fussed and offered to go with her on the long drive down, but she said no, she'd be alright, and I understood, she was telling me she was ready to do her first road trip on her own... and she'd be ok.. 

I was ok up until that point, but then that place deep down, where I'd felt the tremor the night before gave a huge shudder and my tender heart couldn't hide anymore, and a sob that just couldn't be stifled lurched from my throat.   She was next to me in a second, stood at the kitchen sink, holding on to me like she'd never let go..., and I held her...

Letting go is a challenge, that I will probably have to spend the rest of my days working on, but on the other side of all these BIG feelings, is that I know I'm alive, I know that I am loved, and that bringing my children into the world was and always will be the best thing I've ever done.

Neinah and her Girls...


p.s  I apologize to all the "Pink Saturday" folks
I think by next Pink Saturday I will be feeling more chipper and post something VERY pink, Love, Neinah

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Quiet In The Morning...

Sunshine pours onto the table, early morning

Early morning is one of my favorite times of day, everyone's still a'bed catching a few more Z's.  
The air is cool and fresh and the morning mist is rising up off of the bay...  Birds at the feeders filling their beaks with breakfast..., I love this special time, I love this special quiet.

With so much technology in our lives, cell phones, Ipods, tv, dvr, laptops, facebook, twitter etc... its hard to be alone, be quiet, be in a state of peace...  I worry sometimes about my children, who always seem to be carrying around some kind of  "device."

I relish moments of deep quiet.  

The Quiet ~ by Ivey Brown

Be quiet.
Don't talk.
And in the quiet
I heard whispers
Of ways and paths
In the quiet
Direction given,
Hope shown.
In the quiet
Faith built.
On quietness.
The stillness of the wind
As it moves around
Not through
The path of trees
That stand firmly in the way.
Eyes open wide
To see,
Ears to hear
The Truth.
Spoken quietly
From a quiet heart.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Invitation To Sit...

 The heart shaped sitting rock...

Though I've passed this rock often, this day the rock spoke to me, invited me to sit -

So I sat
and listened.

Its smooth, shallow place
a comforting hollow
invited my muscles to relax.

Watching as the world goes
by, people running , busy,
involved in their daily stories..

The rock tells me his life is
like this..waiting and watching
and life goes on around him

The sun endures in this desert place
and rock endures the elements, the people.

I am quiet on the rock,
lizard like, being warmed
by the sun, appreciating the
quiet, my inner solitude (my
 rock friend and I..) surrounded
by busyness and its people.

The rock wants to be photographed,
written about, immortalized..
So I photograph him,
and see that I have been sat
in the center of a heart.

The rock is a heart.
And it shared its ancient
wisdom, inviting me to
pause, and breath and be.

I give thanks to the rock
and go about my busyness.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Red, red rose...

I keep discovering new things in the garden - one of the joys of inheriting an established garden.  This afternoon, I spied a rose bush next to the greenhouse.  There were three gorgeous blooms, I had to grab my camera, climb on the stone bench and get up close and personal with the perfection of this rose.

I don't yet know the name of this beauty (tomorrow I'll go diving into the undergrowth and see if there are any name tags:)  And YES, YES, YES... it smells as good as it looks ~ heaven scent!

I found a poem about roses, by the wonderful Mary Oliver...

Roses, Late Summer
by Mary Oliver

What happens
to the leaves after
they turn red and golden and fall 
away?  What happens

to the singing birds
when they can't sing
any longer?  What happens
to their quick wings?

Do you think there is any
personal heaven
for any of us?
Do you think anyone,

the other side of that darkness,
will call to us, meaning us?
Beyond the trees
the foxes keep teaching their children

to live in the valley.
So they never seem to vanish, they are always there
in the blossom of the light
that stands up every morning

in the dark sky.
And over one more set of hills,
along the sea,
the last roses have opened their factories of sweetness

and are giving it back to the world.
If I had another life
I would want to spend it all on some
unstinting happiness.

I would be a fox, or a tree
full of waving branches.
I wouldn't mind being a rose
in a field full of roses.

Fear has not yet occurred to them, nor ambition.
Reason they have not yet thought of.
Neither do they ask how long they must be roses, and then what.
Or any other foolish question.

I love her line "the last roses have opened their factories of sweetness,"... 

I think she must have (and perhaps still does) meditate on the idea "what if I had
another life?"  Walking in,  and observing the natural world around us, I can't help
but notice how uncomplicated plants and animals lives are when compared to living
a human life..., I too can see the appeal of being a tree, or a rose... I would mostly
like to come back as a bird, like an soaring eagle high, or a wild mustang, 
galloping across the plains.

If you "had another life," what would like to spend it as?

Monday, August 2, 2010

What Is It About Girls and Horses?

Sweet little miniature horse at the farmers market...

What is it about Girls and their horses?  

The above photo was taken this past weekend at our local farmer's market, this darling little horse was hanging around, having a ball with her owner,,, she followed her like a little dog, flicking her tail, nuzzling up against her... Her owner, a lady in her mid 70's just glowed with pride, they were like a team, reading each other's body language and gestures... I was curious about how well behaved this miniature was and decided to do a little research.  It turns out that miniature horses are so gifted, they are trainable and some are used to lead the blind.  If your curious check out this site  

A couple of weeks ago, my girlfriend celebrated her birthday by taking a riding lesson..., she hasn't ridden in a long time, but she used to have a horse when she was a teenager and never stopped loving horses..., now she's getting back to riding, and she's in her 60's!

I love it - The whole... "ITS NEVER TOO LATE TO LEARN TO RIDE" (paint, act, sew, cook, drive a truck, learn a new language/skill, ride a motorcycle etc. etc.. etc.)

Don't you love it too???

And if you need further inspiration, take a look at this video of a young woman and her horse, and the amazing bond and communication they have... by the way, she's doing all of these stunts without a saddle!  


Sunday, August 1, 2010

Decorate a hat day...

So today, I got a bee in my bonnet - (well almost literally,) to do something fun and creative.

This weekend found us at the Pacific Raceways Track near Seattle... CG racing his BMW race car, and Neinah settled in the worn, cozy, comfort of Petunia the RV...   Basket of creative bits and pieces, fun magazines and other necessities  at hand, I relax into the space of just being.

Pondering what I'd like to do, I gaze at the straw hat  I'd bought at a store a few days before.  I bought it because a) it fit my ex. large head and b)  It was crying out to be made pretty.  The somber black ribbon and feather made it look like such a serious hat...

I love hats that hark back to a time when wearing a hat was a common occurrence.

 I have always worn hats, perhaps its an English thing?  

Trying on hats with my Mum at the big department stores when I was growing up is one of my most treasured memories..., we would make funny faces to each other, or try to be serious, each wearing a most remarkable feathered, lacy, pouffy creation, turn to face each other and bend over double laughing so hard... Secretly though, I think we both relished these times, because after all don't all girls like to play dress-up???

As I started in on decorating this hat (which by the way had an Edwardian feel to me.) I mused on how often I have fantasized about being a milliner... I imagine a charming quiet studio, old pendulum clock tick-tocking in the corner, all kinds of delicious vintage flowers, velvet ribbons, french lace and feathers in gorgeous, tempting colors... just waiting for me to choose just the right color and textured combinations to make some exquisite frothy creation for some lady to wear to a wedding, baby's christening, or the  Derby horse race... Ah such fun to dream..., and by the time I'd finished dreaming.. I was done!!!

Do you ever fantasize about having a career thats quite different from what you usually do???