A Word To My Younger Self...

My first still life in oils - tomatoes...

If I could go back in time to say..., when I was twelve years old, and if I could have an opportunity to give the young Neinah  some serious words of advice before leaving her childhood behind and embarking on her adult life...  I would tell her...

Don't let anyone, (including any naysayer voices that might be programmed in your head,) tell you  that you should never try something new unless you know you'll be brilliant at it... Ha! such as,  you're not a runner ( ha! you've got two legs right?) you can't  write (ha! you've got a lot of conversation and big thoughts going on in that head of your's..,? well.. learn to put it down on paper... - or write a blog...:)  You can't paint... (ha! you've got two eyes..., two hands, 10 fingers.. what are you waiting for, an act from God???)  Get on, get on and do it, try it..., whatever it is that calls to you, go for it,   don't ever worry about not having "the goods," "the wit," "the intelligence," "the endurance".. etc... etc... Its not important... What IS important,  is the ability to open your heart then open your mouth and  say one very important life altering word.....,  "YES!"

Its taken me almost 50 years to realize that I don't need anyones permission to do try my hand at something new, to follow my dreams and allow them to become reality...  I do not need to worry anymore about doing things to please someone else, oh yes,  and being perfect (immediately) at any new task or skill (if not stop immediately and feel useless... - no thanks)  I am truly ok with not being a Zola Budd, Virginia Woolf or Georgia O'keiffe.  I am happy with being me... WOW... such a huge revelation!!!  

When I do all the fun stuff from exactly this place of "FUN"..., and for the right and true reason - that of experiencing the sheer and utterly wonderful JOY of it all,  then it all works out as if by magic!

So to anyone out there who may have stifled dreams and desires... its never too late... give yourself permission and leap into the J-O-Y...

XO, 

Neinah

October Sky In The Morning...

Some mornings just rush by in a blur..., breakfasts to make, school lunches to pack, one girl needing a ride to the ferry, another girl a ride to her grade school... 

This morning was a lot like that, but as I paused to wash dishes at the sink,  I looked out the kitchen window, through the trees and out across the water towards the east...

 Fog was rising like steam off the bay and the sun was beginning to rise,,, making for a mesmerizing view..., using my new camera I tried to capture the exquisite light and drama of the morning...

Even in the frenzy its good to take a moment or two.... and breath....

Here's a lovely Mary Oliver poem about early morning..., such a gifted poet... (I've yet to read a poem by Mary Oliver that I don't love!)  Hope you enjoy it too...

Why I Wake Early

 ~ Mary Oliver

Hello sun in my face.

Hello, you who made the morning

and spread it over the fields 

and into the faces of the tulips

and the nodding morning glories,

and into the windows of, even, the

miserable and the crotchety - 

best preacher that ever was,

dear star, that just happens

to be where you are in the universe

to keep us from ever-darkness,

to ease us with warm touching,

to hold us in the great hands of light - 

good morning, good morning, good morning.

Watch, now, how I start the day

in happiness, in kindness.

Fall Comfort Food...

I haven't blogged for several days now, I've been feeling a lot tired and under the weather (I think that saying "under the weather" must surely have been written about the general malaise a body feels with the departure of summer and seeing ahead to the oncoming six months of gloom without much sun...)

So..., to cheer myself up, I get busy in the kitchen..., and think about what to cook for the family that will be hearty, tasty and good for us.....( by the way..., the creepy crawlies on the squash are not real.. they are  characters I bring out at this time of year to put us in the mood for one of our favorite holidays... Halloween - more on that sooooooon!)

Fall Squash Soup

When the weather turns cool, it seems like soup making is a given...

Below is a recipe for Squash Soup, its tasty, warming, savory and put together in no time.

Ingredients

3 tbsp. Olive Oil ( or 3 tbsp. butter)

2 shallots

2 garlic cloves

1 medium apple, such as Granny Smith

1 large Squash (I used butternut) cut in half, seeded and

baked till tender and skin pulls away from flesh easily.

1 Cup of Apple Cider

8 cups of Vegetable or Chicken Broth

1 Teaspoon of Curry Powder

Salt & Pepper

Chop the shallots and garlic cloves, heat the olive oil in a heavy bottom pan and saute till transparent.

Peel, core and chop the apples and saute along with the shallots and garlic and cook till tender (about 5 minutes.)

Cut the baked squash into cubes and add to the pan, along with apple cider, broth and curry powder.

Simmer till the squash cubes have softened completely and melted into the broth ( approx. 20 minutes.) Stir in salt and pepper to taste.

At this point I take a hand blender (or carefully pour into my Vitamixer,) and blend till smooth and creamy.

To make it extra yummy, chop some sage into slivers and saute in butter or oil till crispy, or try chopped  turkey bacon, or a dollop of sour cream ( if your diet allows...).., crispy croutons.... mmmm you name the toppings..... and serve with hot, crispy garlic bread....mmmmmmmmm...

.... Voila!...., a pot of hot and tasty soup that comforts and satisfies... 

Chickadee poem.

Chickadee...

This morning as I walked the garden path

I heard the faint cry of a bird spirit... calling..

though the sound was not audible...

At first I couldn't see him, then I spied the little bird

crouched inside a bird feeder...

(I have NO idea how he got in there...)

Removing the top and pouring him out 

with the seed...

he slipped birth-like into 

my awaiting hand.

Sat for a moment, his heart fluttered on my palm,

blinking as if in disbelief

at what had befallen him.

Shuddering with cold, or so I thought,

I held his tiny body warmly to me...

Whispering to him, its alright, ... its alright...

He folded his wings beneath him as he lay down on his side.

His back arched and stretched, eyes opened wide for 

a long moment...

Then curling fetus like,

he closed his eyes for the last time.

A Dream Come True...

A few months ago, I wrote in this blog about my secret desire to learn to paint in oils (or acrylics,)  http://neinahavelin.blogspot.com/2010/05/unspoken-desire.html

... A while back I bought this painting...

"Celebration" by Sophie Frieda

...by the very gifted artist Sophie Frieda...at the same time, I asked her if she would consider teaching me how to paint, which on reflection might have seemed a bit bold, considering I've never had a lesson, and don't really know the first thing about painting..., and,,, and ..... and....

So.., she said "yes" she would help me, (brave woman that she is!)  I invited a dear friend to join me in the fun,  (Sophie suggested that it might be more effective to have two people to teach at the same time, as it would assist the learning process, as each individual learns differently, comes up with different questions, and has different insights that the other might not...)

Today was our first two hour lesson...

Do you know the saying "When the student is ready the teacher will appear?"  Well, until today, I wasn't ready...  If I'd have taken painting lessons before now, I would have beaten myself up for not being "any good at  art!"  and might have stopped, angry and frustrated with myself...  It has been a lifelong weakness..., starting in earnest with goals and longings, then stopping before I've even given myself a chance to get going, (and actually learn something)... 

 Its a very strange thing... wanting something so badly, I would allow myself to try,  then stop, and instead of shaking beginners nerves off (or whatever road block might appear,) over and over I would shoot myself down because ..."I wasn't good at it"... - like IMMEDIATELY!!! and then I would give up trying without question...  Have you ever done that???

Silly really, when I think about it...

My first lesson, learning about light and dark, shadows,

 dimensions, tonal values.., how to really look at a subject...

I think I must have left "the critic" at home today,  as I was able to sit and watch, pay attention to what Sophie had to share and I became rapt/wrapped in the lesson... Time  s - l - o - w - e - d  down, and I gave myself to the work at hand and LOVED every moment of it... and (this may sound silly people,)  I loved myself for letting the joy flow, letting the love and beauty of the moment settle in for a whole two hours..., and leaving judgement at home...  - Something I plan on doing more often!!!

 Cyndi Lauper had it right when she sang "GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!"  

Look who I ran into yesterday at the park..., a delightful "Earful of Waxwings.." (Bombycilla cedrorum.)
I read recently that the colorful band on their tail is dependent on the fruit that they eat,,, usually either orange or yellow...  Looking at the beautiful red berries on this Hawthorne, its a wonder their tales aren't scarlet red!  They're very busy birds, and quite difficult to photo, because of their constant squabbling, preening, gulping berries on the fly...  but oh they are so very gorgeous.. I forgive them their flighty nature..

Even though they appear to be engrossed in their feasting, they never seemed to take their kohl lined eyes off of me for a second...  and after a few more moments..., they'd had enough of me taking their photo and took off to a nearby tree...

I waited around for several minutes, being quiet and all, hoping they'd come back to the Hawthorne, but with a sudden cry of "zeeeeeeeeetttt, zeeeeeeettttt..., " from them all, they took off...  in a different direction, not to be seen again.

I feel most honored to have found such a large group of them at this time of year...  Usually if I'm lucky, I get to see them in late spring when the Indian plum tree berries ripen...  Such a surprise ..., such a gift.

Time to wander...

Today I drove across the Hood Canal to the Olympic Peninsula to pick up CG's daughter from her school...She attends a Waldorf school that is also a farm...   I arrived 15 minutes early so had time to wander the farm and take a moment or two to dream...

 I love farms and have long held a desire to be a farmer...  I dream of happy chickens, taking dust-baths, ducks swimming in muddy puddles (and terrorizing any slugs that dare to come near my vegetable and flower beds...)  I dream of having bees that drone happily all season long dancing with the flowers, pollinating blossoms in an orchard full of fruit trees.. Its a beautiful dream...

Bees loading up on pollen from the calendula flowers...

Giant sunflowers bow their heads as if too tired to 

to keep them looking sunward...

Gorgeous orangey red Tithonia - one of my 

favorite summer flowers...

Even though a little blurry, I had to include this sweet 

little marmalade colored friend... he was a little 

reticent about having his photo taken, and made a 

dash for the shadows after I took my shot...

Lost in taking photo's of the flowers, I suddenly caught sight of

my shadow through the camera lens..., I had a moment of

childish delight at seeing my shadow self..., I'm not sure

why...  When I have more time, I think I'd like to 

write more about this..., perhaps a poem, or perhaps a dream???

Do you have dreams ???