For the past five or six months I have been struggling to write and be creative and reach out.
Its as if my creativity has been held hostage by my emotions... These past few months, I have experienced loss, betrayal, heartbreak, moved homes, had niggling health issues and little by little my appetite and love of writing, photography, blogging, cooking, art have been edited out of my daily life...
During this time of heartache, it would seem natural to by kind and gentle, to feed myself tender morsals of inspiration, little truffles of delight to coax myself back to my center, back to my alive and vital self but rather, I have struggled - literally my heart just wasn't in "it" - or anything for that matter, and rather than nourish, I have starved myself of expression.
When I started "A Year Of Finding Love," I really thought that I could write every single day about some reflection of love.. some might say (naively) that I didn't plan for those little moments when the road of life hits a pothole or two, and gets messy, or someone you love dies... I didn't take into consideration the impact of life's "little circumstances" and how they might throw me off course for months on end...
But here's the ironic thing, denying my creativity is also the same as denying myself the opportunity to create myself back out of the world of grey-ness - its my escape ladder when the house is burning down... - I just figured that out - like... today!!!
After months in this state - and seeing no end in sight I've decided to tell myself in the immortal words of Cher in the movie "Moonstruck" (to Nicholas Cage,) "SNAP OUT OF IT" (I decided the words are enough and no, I don't need a slap across the face to grasp the reality of it all - remember - I'm going to try and be gentler with myself...)
So, I am going to try and find my way back home I hope to post something most days, energy allowing. The posts may not always be amazing and in fact be less than brilliant, but it is after all my practice to find love, and by allowing less than perfect, I hope to find love for myself.
With Love and Appreciation